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Dreams


"Dreaming" Etching by Kate Walsh


I just finished a lovely novel, The Blue Bottle Club by Penelope J Stokes. It was about the dreams we start out with when we are young and how our lives don't turn out how we thought they would.

I got to thinking about when I was 16 and what my dreams were. To go to college to be a psychologist, live in a busy city in an apartment, and putting off marriage and children till I had truly "lived".

How selfish was I? And how merciful God is, that despite my selfish desires and incredibly stupid mistakes, he had a plan for my life.

I used to wonder what would have happened if I'd given Josef up for adoption, or if I hadn't married Levi-how would my life have turned out? Would I have joined the LDS church? I realize I have not wondered these things in a very long time. I am so glad I kept my baby, my son, who is 11 this year. How proud I am of who he is becoming. I am so glad I married his father, whom I loved at first-sight. I remember I was 15 and we were at Meridian Pool with friends. I was actually there with my boyfriend at the time (not Levi). I remember turning my head and seeing Levi, truly seeing him, and a faint voice said "You'll marry him" of course I thought I was insane and shrugged it off. But after being married to Levi for 10 years this year, I could not imagine anyone more perfect for me. As if he was created just to be my partner in this life.

I didn't start out thinking that for my own happiness, I would want to be a wife and mother. I would have never guessed that staying at home with my children and educating them myself would be my deepest joy and passion in life-but it is.

My life is not how I dreamed it would be-but it is how it was meant to be. I am not rich, or famous, nor is my life without problems or struggle. I am not successful in a worldly sense. I am truely happy and grateful. I love and am loved in return. I live without regret. I no longer live to fullfill my own dreams, but to live the life God planned for me.

3 COMMENTS (click here!):

breymom said...

Thanks April this is a good reminder for all of us. We'd have been neighbors anyway because I would have been in NYC in the pent house next door..only I was an attorney. Darn those boys heeheehee

Ganine said...

It is always amazing to see the life the Lord has for us compared to the one we had planned for us. The Lord's way always turns out a lot more rich and fulfilling..

Dickerson Family said...

I really love this post. Just they way that you wrote it touch me. Thank you for sharing your testimony.

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